


You'll Sneeze Your Eye Out

by Dusty_Forgotten



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 16:26:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5463299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dusty_Forgotten/pseuds/Dusty_Forgotten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the bright side, he can get a sick eyepatch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You'll Sneeze Your Eye Out

“Oh yeah,” Erin says, holding Butch’s eyelid up with one hand and a flashlight in the other, “that’s gotta come out.”

“What?” he mumbles, trying his best to look into the light. “Do I got a hair in it, or somethin’?”

She clicks the flashlight off, and sets it on a shelf to her right, nodding gravely. “I mean the eye.”

“What!?” He claps both hands over the organ, panicking, “You’re not takin’ my eye, man!”

Coldly, she elaborates, “You have a subconjunctival hemorrhage, Butch. If I don’t, it could travel to your brain.”

She hurries up the steps for the medkit, while Butch calls, “I wasn’t doin’ nothin’! How did this happen!?”

“Well,” she says, setting her first-aid box on the railing and rifling through, “the onset is rather sudden, but it’s caused by excessive masturbation.”

Still covering one eye downstairs, he blanches, “They weren’t kiddin’ when they said you’d go blind...”

“Afraid not.”

She holds a spoon up to the light pouring in through cracks in the sheet metal roof, rubs at a hardwater stain, and shrugs in acceptance. He spots it with his one good eye. “Wh-What are you gonna do with that!?”

Erin blinks at him, uncomprehendingly. “Scoop your eye out, of course.” She mimics the motion as she says it, and Butch wails pathetically. The Lone Wanderer snaps the box shut. “It’s not that bad. Just pop it out of socket, snip the optic nerve-” she makes a scissors gesture with her hand- “I’ll even put it in a jar for you to carry around.”

“Are you _kidding_ me!?” he squeals.

Erin shakes her head, as she replies, “Absolutely.”

It takes him a second- but no more before he grabs the flashlight off the shelf and chucks it at her. Cackling, the Wanderer ducks behind the railing. “You asshole!”

“Payback, bitch!” she snorts, popping up above the railing only momentarily before he hurls a teddy bear at her. He finds little else in the way of ammo (not including literal ammunition).

“Yeah, yeah, you had your fun!” he spares- or pretends to; they both know he’s out of stuff to throw at her. He squints his itching left eye shut, other blinking rapidly as he retakes his seat. “Seriously, why’s my eye bleeding?”

She smiles, sitting on the edge of the second floor, resting her elbows on the lower railing. “You sneezed so hard you popped a blood vessel.”


End file.
